#1: Inexcusably stupid
Back in my lil high school in South Florida I some how landed what I thought was THE catch. He was uber popular. And not just like 2 or 3 rungs up the social ladder. No. He was Mr. Popular. We jokingly called him the Scott Blank (not his real name) as testament to his popularity and he used it as a nickname. Seniors, teachers, PTA members knew who the Scott Blank was and LOVED him. He was tall, hot (to 16 year old me), cocky, on varsity football AND basketball, and though he was a sophomore and I was a Junior we were taking the same math and history classes. So according to our teachers and National Honors Society he was no dumb jock. I was an honors student myself, but nothing that would have ever gotten me noticed (I spent most of my time in class playing the Song Lyric Game or talking out of turn. And instead of doing homework I was busy making up dances in my room or watching MTV’s Daria).
I was pretty convinced that I was damn near lucky to be dating the Scott Blank—-and so was he. He actually had the balls to tell me a friend of his asked him why he was dating me. I think his response was something like “I don’t know”. That should have been the deal breaker right there, but I had the self-esteem of most awkward 16-year-old girls who spend their free time making up dances in their rooms, watching Daria and reenacting SNL sketches at inappropriate times with their friends.
But Mr. Popular wasn’t so perfect.
One night I remember him standing in the doorway of my house I don’t remember the circumstances but I believe he had caught a cold and my internal Jewish mother was coming out as I told him to make sure he drank lots of fluids and eat lots of citrus and get vitamin C. To which he replied “What’s citrus?”
“You know like citrus fruit”
Blank stare.
“You live in Florida and you don’t know what citrus is?”
I was so angry. I felt like the kid in the Emperor’s New Clothes. I just wanted everyone to know that this kid might have everyone impressed with how smart he is for a jock and nice he is for a popular kid did not know simple life like what category an orange, lemon, or grapefruit fall into. I felt like someone should be asking me why I was dating him!
I think that was the beginning of the end for us. Not that the relationship really could have lasted. It was hard to feign interest in his football and basketball games. Playing sports might help make you popular in high school and being popular in high school might be really important, but it really bores the shit out of me.
Ever since then I can’t do it. I just can’t date a guy I think is dumber than me regardless of what he got on his SATs.
