#7 A “Potty” Mouth
No, no, no. Not cursing. Cursing has yet to be a deal breaker for me (probably because I curse when I get very excited in a conversation). I’m not even talking about your basic bathroom humor. If you don’t want to date a guy who still laughs at a fart or poop joke you might just want to scratch the whole gender all together. I’m talking about dating a guy who announces what he his going to do in the bathroom—-specifically if he calls an uncomfortably childish nickname.
I hopefully won’t face some serious bad karma for revealing this, but whatever it’s the truth. I was in a very serious relationship with a guy who would tell me he was going to have a bowel movement by saying he was going to “make (insert name of wild animal here)” and would call passing gas “stinky (name of fruit here)”. Now, I am not some uptight, elbows off the table, “sip don’t slurp” girl. I think it was more about an immaturity thing. At 20-something I would hope that you no longer use the silly name your friends made up in middle school for bodily functions. And if you want to still use those words when you’re hanging out with your buddies by all means do. I still revert back to my 13-year-old self when I’m with my childhood friends too. But please DON’T share it with me. Yes I know everybody poops, but not everybody announces it. I’d rather you be like a stealth ninja in the bathroom and just give me the warning eye not to walk into the room if you’ve just burped up something horrible. But don’t direct my attention, then proudly fart, and then maybe do what my kid brother does and shout “Safety”.
I don’t care if we share EVERYTHING, I don’t ever want to be that close. Or if you reveal it as a funny anecdote that’s fine, but don’t use it on a regular basis. It makes me feel like you’re the child in the relationship. And if you’re the child then I’m the mommy and I don’t want to be anybody’s mommy just yet.
