#8 The restroom of your public high school is nicer than his bathroom
In other words: he’s dirty/filthy/gross or has a home that is.
I dated a guy for a few months who lived in a rented house with several other 20-something guys. Now, we all know that when dudes live together in a house setting it’s rarely “Martha Stewart” living. Heck, even when several ladies share a bathroom it can get gunky at times, though women typically have a much lower threshold for dirt than men do in a communal living situation (or at least they’re expected to).
The first couple times I hung out at Pig Pen’s place I didn’t notice anything too off. His room had a comfortable clutter, but nothing skeevy. He was an aspiring musician and writer. He’s probably too busy being creative to organize himself, even though he knew I was coming over, I thought. Sure the kitchen always seemed to have a several dirty dishes in the sink, but I assumed they were from one of his other three roommates. His shared bathroom however should have told me all I needed to know.
Let’s go down the list shall we:
***a warning for those of you who easily get grossed out you may just want to scroll down the page
- For the first month of our dating I was under the impression that his house must have old plumbing. Why? The toilet bowl was stained this weird black/dark brown color. I attributed it to rust. Until one day, I went in to pee and saw the bowl was—-white!. I asked my then beau if he had gotten his toilet fixed or replaced. He replied no. They just finally cleaned it. EWWWWWWW!
- Someone clearly “manscaped” in the bathroom. All over.
- There was a brown ring around the tub the entire time we dated.
- The garbage can in the bathroom was never emptied the entire time I dated him. How do I know this? Early on someone had thrown away a rainbow clown wig after a party. I saw that wig for the entirety of our “relationship”.
- I’m fairly certain there was at least a long period of time where there was no soap in the bathroom.
- He kept his toothbrush in his bedroom.
I’m sure you’re thinking wow I bet she broke up with him after Toilet Bowl Gate. I wish I could tell you that. Sigh.
One Sunday morning, I was cleaning up French Toast we (mainly me) had made from scratch. While he was putting the freshly washed dishes in the dish rack I think he said, “Oh no” or “Eww” I don’t remember. But I do remember what happened next.
“What?” I said.
“Mouse droppings.”
“Are you SERIOUS?! Where?!”
“Uh, no I’m just joking” he said noticing my alarmed tone.
“That’s not funny. Are you joking or is there really mouse poop underneath the same DISH RACK THAT WE TOOK ALL THOSE ‘CLEAN’ PANS AND PLATES WE JUST USED TO EAT FROM?!”
“Yes?”
“I’m gonna be sick” (I still can’t believe I wasn’t)
“Just calm down. It’s no big deal. It’s just a mouse”
“How do you know it’s ‘just a mouse’? Is this the first time you’ve noticed this problem?!”
“We used to have a rat but then we got rid of it,” he said.
“When did you first realize you had a rat?” Part of me was trying to help him. I had dealt with rats in 2 New York apartments and had been victorious as a Pied Piper. The other part of me was angry that I might get bubonic plague and wanted answers.
“A mouse. A couple months ago.”
“A. COUPLE. MONTHS. AGO.”
“A month ago.”
“Where have you seen it? In the kitchen?”
“Well, yeah…”
“Anywhere else?” I paused looked at his open bedroom door directly off the kitchen. “Has it been in your room?”
“I’ve only seen it in there once.”
“WHAT!”
“It’s just a mouse.”
I will spare you the kanipshin I had, mainly because it makes me seem like that girl. The “high maintenance” girl. I’m not. I tried to look past a lot of his “mess” because I have my own “mess”. I’m so beyond scatter brained. I get cluttered when I get overwhelmed. But I do not let ANYTHING live in my house unless it’s paying rent!
Now, I know that even clean people get roaches, rats, bugs only exterminators can identify. But clean people (even scatter brained people) DO something about it. Immediately. It was the fact that he was so content to live with a mouse and a messy house and unapologetic about it that bothered me. If he had been actively trying rid his home of vermin or make the bathroom sanitary I might have felt differently. Instead he that he tried to make me think I was overreacting to a cleanliness level that would cause a health inspector to shut a restaurant down. It showed irresponsibility. It showed immaturity. It showed me that it was going to impossible to date a guy who’s house I would never feel comfortable sleeping or eating in again. And that became the deal breaker (well that and the mouse and the toilet).
In case you’re wondering we broke up about a week after. Too bad. He was pretty cute.
